My Long and Winding Road

The long and winding road
That leads to your door
Will never disappear
I’ve seen that road before
It always leads me here
Lead me to your door

The wild and windy night
That the rain washed away
Has left a pool of tears
Crying for the day
Why leave me standing here
Let me know the way

Many times I’ve been alone
And many times I’ve cried
Any way you’ll never know
The many ways I’ve tried

But still they lead me back
To the long winding road
You left me standing here
A long, long time ago
Don’t leave (keep) me waiting here
Lead me to your door 

These lyrics could have been written to tell the story of my spiritual journey with God because I have traveled a long and winding road to get to the place I am today.

Teens – Discovering Nature

When I was a child, my parents placed me on the road of faith by taking me to church and teaching me about God.  Summer camp and youth trips with inspiring leaders provided foundational experiences. Sadly, I heard this past week that my youth pastor, Wally Brown passed away.

20s – Wandering

During college and the first few years of my career, I lost touch with my faith.  I lived for myself, making decisions and choices that often put me in harms’ way.

I recall a time when my buddies and I were on a road trip from southwest Missouri to South Padre Island, TX for spring break.  We were involved in a bad highway collision that sent glass flying and our car spinning out of control. I wasn’t wearing a seatbelt.  Miraculously, our vehicle came to rest on the side of the road, out of the line of traffic, still intact, with everyone inside okay.  It could have been so much worse. It should have been so much worse.  Looking back, I see God at work, sparing our lives.

30s – Discovering Religion

In the ’80’s, Linda and I got married and lived in St. Louis.  About the time we started a family we also began attending church so our daughter might have the same faith foundation we had been given. In the ’90’s, our family of four relocated to San Antonio where we made Coker UMC our church home. I read scripture and attended Bible study trying to reconcile my beliefs with what others were telling me it meant to be a Christian. My breakthrough moment happened when I took a Bible study on Confronting the Controversies which covered euthanasia, assisted suicide, creationism, abortion, and homosexuality. We learned that there are valid arguments to be made on both sides of every controversial issue. The more scripture I read and studied, particularly the New Testament, the less judgmental I became.

40s – Discovering Spirituality

Years passed.  About the time I went on long-term disability, a friend invited me to attend a spiritual weekend retreat. It was a turning point for me. My focus changed from learning to serving. I found that when I served others my heart filled with joy. I organized and led seven mission trips, with 30+ missionaries to an orphanage in Piedras Negras, Mexico. Our groups helped get the orphanage started in January 2005 and it has been home to over 150 children. I served as a group leader and shared my story on two retreats. Finally, I joined the high school students on their mission trip to Alabama to prepare slide shows, upload pictures to the Internet, and select music for worship services. I have experienced great joy as I’ve watched my own daughters’ servant hearts at work as they participated in mission opportunities first as youth and now, as adults.

50s – Discovering Spiritual Intimacy

Despite my physical limitations, or perhaps because of them, I feel God in my life 24/7. I now need assistance with 90% of my daily activities. I still have enough dexterity in my hand to drive my chair. Dictation software on my computer allows me to create blog posts and share my love of music with my followers. This brings me great joy and gives my life purpose.

Today a caregiver will come and get me out of bed, help me with all morning activities of daily living (ADL’s), dress me, and feed me breakfast. Someone else will prepare and feed me lunch. I will then use the next 2-3 hours to work on my blog and complete any other activities. After a nap, Linda and I will watch the news and she will prepare a gourmet meal, feed it to me, and wash the dishes. Typically I am tired, grumpy, and unappreciative. Linda (weekends) or another caregiver (weeknights) will help me with my nighttime ADL’s, undress me and put me in bed. Finally, Linda will come and tuck me in.

My life is a modern-day manifestation of the Parable of the Good Samaritan. MS is the robber in my story but God continues to send Good Samaritans my way. Linda is my greatest Samaritan. She showers me with unconditional love and treats me like the center of her universe. She plans her days, weeks and months around me, always considering my needs above hers. Caring for me must feel like the pounding surf, where surviving each wave means bracing for the next. She does so with a silent dignity and never complains about the short straw she has drawn, sentenced to a lifetime of drudgery and self-sacrifice. She is the angel God sent to look after me.

I feel His grace every minute of every day. I will fall asleep tonight thanking God for Linda, the other Angels, and all the gifts he has bestowed upon me.

God,

My spiritual journey is like a long and winding road that leads to your door.

And though I know the road will never disappear there are times I stray. When I find my way back, I remember that I’ve seen that road before and it always leads me here, leads me to your door.

My 20’s were a wild and windy night that the rain washed away leaving me with a pool of tears crying for the day. 

You did not leave me standing here, You let me know the way. 

“The Long and Winding Road“ is a ballad written by Paul McCartney (credited to Lennon–McCartney) from the Beatles’ album Let It Be. It became the group’s 20th and last number-one song in the United States in June 1970, and was the last single released by the quartet.

Let It Be is the 12th and final studio album by the English rock band the Beatles. It was released on 8 May 1970, almost a month after the group’s break-up. Like most of the band’s previous releases, it was a number one album in many countries, including both the US and the UK, and was released in tandem with the motion picture of the same name.